Home is Where the Start is

Hi, my name is Molly and I have agoraphobia.

Agoraphobia is experienced in many forms by countless individuals, but an extremely generalized definition of agoraphobia is fear or anxiety that you will be subject to danger, entrapment, or humiliation without escape in certain places or situations. Though such fears are natural defences that keep people safe, agoraphobics are prone to distorted or amplified perceptions of danger in open spaces or places with limited access to escape. Therefore, we avoid fear by confining ourselves to specific locations. Our quality of life suffers as we become further and further cut off from connection to the outside world.

Sound familiar? There are many of us.

I am loath to say, agoraphobia and other conditions have defined my life for miserable stretches of time. I don’t want to be holed up at home because I know it’s not healthy. On the other hand, I do want to be holed up at home because leaving a particular radius from my home brings on debilitating symptoms such as panic attacks and crying jags.

But every day is another opportunity to increase that radius by a single step, or at least preserve my progress. And if I take steps back instead of forward, I try to see it as an opportunity to gather and examine data so I can move forward with better understanding. I’m not entirely sure of the larger purpose I want to fulfil by starting this blog, but I do know I want to create a safe space for people to discuss their conditions openly.

I use the terms agoraphobic and agoraphobia mostly to describe a cluster of symptoms I live with. By no means am I diagnosing nor endorsing the diagnosis of these symptoms for myself or anyone else (I am not a doctor and I certainly don’t play one on T.V. ). I simply use generally accepted terms in order to communicate a medically recognized condition that many of us experience temporarily or indefinitely. I don’t champion for any particular treatment, nor do I claim to have a ‘cure.’ I also want to make clear that not everyone who lives a solitary life in a single space necessarily ‘should’ change. It is for each of us to pursue or maintain our own picture of health. My personal belief is that health decisions are best made outside the echo chamber. Qualified practitioners, educators, loved ones, and a supportive emotional and spiritual network are vital to my progress. My mind is like a bad neighborhood when I am symptomatic, so I don’t go there alone! More disclosures and disclaimers to follow eventually. For now, I just want to reach out and start a conversation.

So I say to you: Hello, friend! You are not alone in your aloneness!